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DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:Around 3-4 million women suffer from some form a domestic violence a year, and 1,232 women are murdered by a spouse, ex, or boyfriend every year. In recent media we have been introduced to a women by the name of Connie Culp’s, who just received the first American face transplant, after being shot in the face by her husband Thomas back 2004, just as he promised. Thomas then cowardly turn the gun on himself, failing in his attempt to comment suicide, he ultimately ended up serving only seven years in prison, which I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that he only got seven years, for shooting off his wife’s face, and trying to kill her. However Connie found the strength to survive and forgive, now with her face transplant complete with many other surgeries a head of her, she moving on with her life and helping other women live theirs. Connie stories very much resemble another women’s story by the name of Waco’s Thomas who also suffered a gunshot to the face, by the hand of her boyfriend.

However as I mentioned before there are millions of women and men who suffer from domestic violence, and share’s Connie’s and Waco’s story.

WHY DO THE STAY: There are lot’s of reason’s why women stay in abusive relationships, for example, they have low self esteem, low self worth, they witness domestic violence when they were a child, or suffered child abuse themselves; then other reasons are that they don’t know how to leave, or they have children, they feel they deserve it, it’s their fault, and then of course “I LOVE HIM”.

RECOGNIZING THE SIGNS

IT’S ALL ABOUT CONTROL: Men who are abusive tend to be very controlling, over things like what you wear, who you talk to, who you see, what you eat, he controls every aspect of the finances, he control’s the simplest of decisions, he wants you to be powerless, to completely depend on him, so you feel like you can’t live without him, that you need him.

JEOLOUS/POSSESSIVE AND ALWAYS ACCUSING YOU OF BEING UNFAITHFUL: Some women may find it flattering if a man becomes jealous easily, or that it means he loves you, but it’s just another form of control, and men who are abusive don’t have much confidence in themselves and can be threaten easily by other men or women. Abusive men also want the women to feel that he’s the only one that will ever love you, and don’t want other men to boost your self-esteem.

TRIES TO SCARE YOU, AND INTIMIDATE YOU: Men who don’t know how to be real men, using intimidation to prove what a big guy he is, which is not what a real men are suppose to do.

ISOLATION: Abusers don’t want any outsiders to influence you, so they slowly separate you from family and friends, so they have all the control.

DESTROY’S PERSONAL PROPERTY: Another sign that things may led to abuse is destroying property, like throwing things, punching holes in the wall, kicking item’s, and breaking stuff, show’s he’s not mature enough to control his emotions, and may eventually led to pounding on you.

USES YOUR CHILDREN AS PAWNS : Threatens to take the children, and never allow you to see them again, if you ever think of leave him, once again it’s all about CONTROL.

 CALL’S YOU NAME’S AND PUT’S YOU DOWN: One of the first things that an abuser may try to do is cut your self-esteem down, by calling you degrading names, and constantly putting you down. Because again they don’t have much confidence in themselves, and just like any bully have to make you feel little, so he can feel big, it’s also allows him to have more control over you.

PLAY’S THE VICTIM: Abuser’s will regularly make themselves the victims, even threatening to kill themselves if you leave.

TREAT’S: The number one thing that I’ve heard from Connie Culp’s, and Waco’s Thomas, and from many other women who survived domestic violence is that when a man threatens to hurt you or kill you, believe every word he say’s.

MY STORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: About four years ago my then boyfriend attacked me three days after he announced his love to me. We had gotten into a fight a week before, he then called me and said when ever I wanted to talk to come over, so that’s what I did. One spring afternoon I decided to stop by his place, I knocked on the door, he open, I could tell by his glazed over eyes that he was high, but that’s was normal for him. As soon as he opened the door he became angry, and told me to leave after yelling ugly names at me. I didn’t leave, which was my mistake. He came back out a minute later, grabbed me by my hair, and started pulling me towards the concrete stairs; I feared that he was going to throw me down the stairs, so I grabbed onto the railing, so he threw me to the ground, started punching me in my head, and kicking me in my ribs. I remember there was a moment when I looked up to him and ask him WHY. I was so confused, I was confused for weeks, I couldn’t understand how someone could say he loved you one moment, then beat you the next, which is weird cause I suffered eight years of abuse from my mom, so I don’t know why that was so surprising to me.

After I got over the anger, and tried to forgive, I told myself that I would never allow that to happen to me again, so I went back to try to figure out were the signs were. He was someone who punched holes in the wall; one time he couldn’t figure out how to get the VCR to work, so he threw it against the wall (SIGN). He was a complete asshole to everyone else (SIGN). He did drugs and alcohol excessively (SIGN). Of course at the time I just figured it was a guy thing, I figure punching holes in the wall, and throwing things was a normal thing that guys did to get out their aggression. And he was an asshole to everyone else, but not to me. And yeah he did drugs, but so did every other college student in Long Beach. But I was wrong, but many women make the same mistake, making accuses for the man they love.

TYPES OF ABUSE:
· Physical
· Mental
· Emotional
· Verbal
· Sexual

BECAUSE OF THE CHILDREN:
A lot of women stay because they have children, and they feel guilty taking them away from their father, or they don’t think tell can take care of them alone. Let me just say to keep your children in a violent atmosphere is a form of abuse in it’s self, and you are becoming an abuser to your children. There is absolutely nothing beneficial to keeping your children in a violent home. Beside all the other side-affect’s that children have by witnessing there mother being beat or abused, they also have a high risk of getting into a abusive relationships themselves or becoming an abuser. Your children deserve better, show them what real love feels like, before they think love is supposed to hurt. My mom use to beat my dad, and then my brother before she started on me, and I remember being in my bedroom, under my bed, with my hands over my ears, praying they no one died, no child should have to live like that. And if possible, if your experiencing abuse from your partner before, and you don’t have children, don’t bring children into the world if you’re going to decide to stay.

THERE ARE STEPS YOU CAN TAKE, before you escape:

WRAP UP LOOSE ENDS, get the things together that you need, so there’s no excuse to go back.
THINGS TO GRABE:
· Medical records
· Birth Certificate
· Passports/Green Cards
· Lease
· Evidence of abuse
· Police Reports
· Restraining orders

TALK TO THE POLICE. let them know what’s going on, they can give you further steps to take.

KEEP A JOURNAL, a day-to-day journal of any abuses that accurse, with dates.

HAVE CONFINDENCE, BE BRAVE, that the decision your making is the right one, no hesitation.

TALK TO A LAWYER/FAMILY LAWYER, especially if you have children.

JOIN A SELF HELP GROUP/COUSELING FOR ANY CHILDREN, break the cycle.

There are many organizations that you can find in your community that can help you safely escape from a violent partner.

RIHANNA, has been in recent news, being a victim of domestic violence, we’ve all seen the photo of her battered face. Yes I feel for Riana for staying, but I cry for the fans that look up to her. 1 out of 10 teen girls suffer from domestic violence from a boyfriend, most feel that it’s justified, that they deserved it, that Rihanna deserved it, which shocked me. It’s only getting worse, and as much as I want her to speak, which I believe someday she will, I was equally disappointed in the cowardliness of the Hollywood elite, not saying what happen was wrong, so we have a generation of girls thinking it’s ok to be beat by men. Parent’s needed to know who their children look up to.

DON’T BE FOOLED: Abuser’s have a habit of crying, and begging for forgiveness after the submitted the abuse, even acting as if there so depressed by there own actions, making the victim feel quality, and I say don’t be fooled. After my mom put me through one of her beating sessions, just like clockwork she would cry, ask for forgiveness, promise to change and of course never do it again, only to proceed with the abuse that same night. If they hit you once it’s a very great possibility they WILL hit you again, GET OUT.

Women, and MEN need to know their self worth, people who love you DO NOT intentionally hurt you, THAT’S NOT LOVE. Life is to short; don’t waste it on someone who doesn’t deserve it. And parent’s don’t allow a violent home be your child’s story.

For more fact’s go to…. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence & everything2.com/node

National Domestic Violence Hotline.1-800-799-SAFE /// 1-800-799-7233
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s www.ncadv.org/resources/state.htm
National Child Traumatic Stress Network. www.NCTSN.org

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